me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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