We won't sleep together?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
