If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
