Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just cropdusted the office
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
