For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
