chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he fucked my hip out of place.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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