you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
