when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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