I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
