having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
