After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
