question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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