I got chris browned last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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