so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
