Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
