My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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