I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
