i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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