he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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