I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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