I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
