I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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