He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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