gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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