I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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