my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
