After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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