Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
