Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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