The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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