Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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