you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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