remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
