Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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