what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
