Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
