but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
