John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
