That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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