I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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