I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
