The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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