Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
