I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
