btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
