I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
