My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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