I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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