Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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