Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
