You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
