i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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